lost.

when patience has its limit, disaster strike.
i think wen my blood boiled hard, i get lost.
lost to the extend that when i'm walking i feel im walking on the street alone.
Alone, only me and the straight road ahead.
not knowing what to do, future which is uncertain.
Overwhelm with overloading schoolwork, and then it hit me hard.
The past just flash back.
and yet again i was lost.
walking with no direction, cars horn at the ears, yet ure not awake.
maybe its just a test.
A test of my patience.
A test of my will.
How beautiful love can get,i am so scared to see the past re-appearing.
and yes, you've said you're not like the past.
I know you're not.
Its just a phobia.
A phobia of a thousand knife piercing through the heart.
and even so, thinking bout it, I still love you and phobias can be overcome.
n right now at this very moment from the morning i wake up, till now im typing this bloody post, im missing you damn much.
and i love you with infinity L.O.V.E WORDS WRITTEN all around me and also this small heart of mine.
and now happiness is what i miss most.
and now being 17 is what i miss most.
sitting at the park, smoking and singing to stand by me
made me really happy back then.
y do i have to grow up?
happiness of the youth is what i miss most.
something i cant get back.
to a sister, a fren an asshole in my life, we will go through this shit together like always.